It's just so overwhelming to even begin the process, and even worse now that I can't even get married in the month that I wanted to, because my brother and his fiance already started planning having gotten engaged a few months ago and she chose the beginning of September...which is when I wanted. And since it isn't really fair to guests and family who will be attending both weddings, as far as gifting and money is concerned, I basically have to pick a completely different time of year, or wait another year. Or have a friggin fly-by wedding THIS fall...and I can barely handle thinking about this happening in a year and a half, never mind a half a year. Trying to just go with it. But when I'm already anxious to my limit, it's impossible for me to just go with anything.
So since June is basically out of the question because it's like the most popular wedding month, I'm stuck with rainy May or unbearably hot July. My parents got married in July and my mom says it was horribly hot that day. I want late August/early September, but if I got married before my brother, I would have to be sure to be back from the honeymoon in time for their wedding, and if I got married after theirs, they would have to get back in time for mine. It just causes a whole bunch of messiness that only adds to the stress I feel embarking on all of this crap. Next to having kids, this is supposed to be the happiest and most memorable day of my whole life, and looking at it from where I'm sitting right now, I am sorry to say that so far, I am not excited and I am not happy about where I have to start in planning this.
Also, it doesn't help at all that up until the point when Bear proposed, I literally never thought about my wedding day or what I wanted it to look like. I just wasn't that girl who dreamed about it. Either I was busy thinking about stuff I considered more important at 8 years old, or I just assumed that day was so far off in the future that I didn't need to think about it yet. A word of advise to any female who is either young or just not engaged yet...start thinking about it. Now. Just saying. Because starting wedding planning from LITERALLY square 1 is terrible. Someone asks you "well what colors do you want? Do you have a theme? What kind of dresses do you like? Flowers? Hair? DECORATIONS? CAKE? HOW MANY BRIDESMAIDS? FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE! FOOD? LETS FIND A HALL! AND A DJ! PICK A DAY! WHAT DAY ARE YOU GONNA GET MARRIED ON? WHAT TIME! CHURCH OR NO CHURCH?!
Such loaded questions. Seriously....get out of my face. You don't need to know the answer to any of this stuff until you get an invitation in the mail so just calm your shit.
I think I've sort of decided a direction to go in for this wedding though...I guess I'm just not a traditional wedding kind of girl for whatever reason, maybe because the rigidness of the planning involved is just way too much for me to handle. I just want to get married, and have fun after. Why is that so difficult. I don't want to be in a stuffy hall with people who were told where to sit and eating food that we would probably never eat on our own. That's so not who we are. We're very young 20's. It isn't like we're getting married at 35 for the first time...this is doomed to be a nontraditional wedding. What I'm envisioning is family being with family and comfortable food and good fun...like a backyard cookout, wedding-style. I want to drink out of a mason jar for everything except maybe the toast...whenever that's supposed to happen. I want things to be light-hearted and easygoing and fun. I don't want to be stressed out if things don't go perfectly according to The Plan. I want any children who will be in attendance to feel like they belong there and have fun and not like they're in a room full of old people they don't know and don't want to be around. My immediate family doesn't do stuff that requires us to get all dressed up fancy-like to eat fancy food, and Bear's family does the big old wedding shebang but I know they're more fun sitting in the backyard with Portuguese music and food and booze. I already know I don't want my reception to be a big drunk dance club, because that's dumb and also because Bear and I don't have enough friends anymore (hahaha...no but really).
So there's my Bride-To-Be rant. These are a few things that are in my head.
I got the police called on me yesterday.
Bear was over yesterday because we were going to look for places to hold a reception...but nobody answered their phones. The mother of the woman I babysit for told me months ago that I could hold my reception in her backyard at her house...so he and I decided to go check it out. I didn't have their number so I called the woman I babysit for and asked where their house was, and then I remembered that they won't even be there, because they're in Florida for the season. Oh well, she told us it would be fine to just go by and check it out. So we found the house, it was off on a pretty secluded dead-end road in the woods. We get out, take a quick look around the back of the house at the yard, and decide that it just isn't right for a wedding reception. As we get back in the car, Bear notices the guy living across the street was watching us from the top of his driveway. I didn't think much of it, just a neighbor looking out for the house of neighbors who aren't home. About 2 hours later, we are home & walking the dog when a state trooper's cruiser is slowly coming up my road, obviously looking for something. I honestly didn't think anything of it, I just figured he would ask me where someone's house is on his way by since he looked a little lost. He did pull up, and asked what Bear's name was and then mine, then for my last name and asked where "insert house number here" was. I told him that was mine. So then he starts asking what we were doing on that road earlier at that house and I'm thinking OH MY GOD THEY CALLED THE POLICE ON US LOLOL. I must look like such a shifty person....not. I explained to him what we were doing there and how I knew those people and how I'd called their daughter and she knew I was there, and how I was aware that they are in Florida. My story must have checked out because he left by saying he got a call and there were a few break-ins in the area. Nbd.
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